{pawprints}

appreciate: teachings from the love of a dog

Golden Girl Sisters: Logan & Liberty

I am participating in Reverb10 this December.  Won't you join me?

December 14th | Appreciate

What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it? (Author: Victoria Klein)

In the beginning, I could never have imagined it.

While all of the puppy breath and that cute round tummy and paw pads as smooth and soft as silk were more than captivating, all of that puppy goodness hadn't really prepared me for what was ahead; for how I would be forever changed because of this amazing, furry little companion that was now mine.

But it did.  Forever change me, that is.

What I was not prepared for ~ in fact, which I doubt I could ever be fully prepared for ~ was the depth of that change.

What changed was my ability to fully understand the power of unconditional love.  For many years, the relationship seemed to be out of whack; I felt like I was getting much more than I was giving.  Not that I didn't love my dogs ~ it wasn't that at all.  It was that the purity with which they loved me back somehow always seemed so much more special.

This year, as Liberty's imune system crumbled and she needed me more than she ever had before, I was able to reciprocate in a way that felt absolutely right and whole.  I was able to complete that circle of unconditional love that had been evolving over the past 15 years.  I was finally at a point where I could give her what she had given me. 

I was able to be there for her completely both phycially and emotionally: to bathe her with special organic soap that calmed her inflamed skin; to lay down on the floor with her head in the crook of her arm and simply stroke her velvety soft ears and whisper how much I loved her in her ear; to make special food for her when she got to the point where she wouldn't eat dog food.

At the very end, I was able to make sure that she did not suffer needlessly, and that she died while in the comfort of my arms.

What the process of living with, caring for and ultimately letting go of my sweet Liberty this year taught me was more than I could have ever expected when that little golden ball of fluff was delivered to my by her breeder, Paul Kouski, on a cold December evening in 1996.   

While there are countless things that I learned from and deeply appreciate about Liberty and the time we had together, the one that stood out most for me this year was being shown how to let go with supreme love.

"To every thing there is a season,

and a time to every purpose under heaven."

~ Ecclesiastes 3:1

I struggle to find the words to convey the impact of the depth of that understanding. 

Love fully & completely, and then be willing to let go. 

It was a hugely powerful concept for me this year, and one for which I will be forever grateful to have experienced through such an amazing canine teacher. 

Yes, what I have come to appreciate this year more than I ever thought I would, is the healing power of loving completely and then being willing to let go.  It is in the genuine willingness to let go that the magic happens.

As I move forward into 2011 and beyond, the process of letting go will continue.  There are people and situations and things that are a part of my life right now that won't be in 2011, not because they are inherently bad, but simply because it is time.  Moving forward with a clear mind and an open heart. 

Thank you, Liberty, for opening my eyes and my heart to such a profound understanding of true love.

 

when baby steps matter most

Multi-media collage by artist Christine Mason Miller

I'm participating in Reverb10 this December.  Won't you join me?

December 13th | Action

When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step? (Author: Scott Belsky)

Here's the thing. 

I am ALL ABOUT the ideas. 

On any given day, for any given topic, I can come up with approximately 8,746,587 different ideas - and that's BEFORE I've had my first cup of coffee.  After that coffee?  I am unstoppable.  Seriously.  There is nothing I love better than problem solving.  Whether it's in my design business or in my consulting business, this is a strength that serves me well. 

Need ideas?  I am totally your girl.

And planning?  Planning is like the frosting on the cake of ideas that I am so good at baking. Love, love, love the frosting part.  Love the strategizing.  Love the organizing (the color-coding - be still my heart!)...  oh yes... I am a MASTER planner.

Putting those ideas and plans into ACTION...  actually implementing them... 

Not so much.

I will give myself credit for making some movement on the implementation front this past year.  I have actually gotten quite a bit accomplished.  It just hasn't been enough movement to make me feel... I don't know...   satisfied...  but there has been movement.  Most of it has been related to plugging up leaks or cleaning up the aftermath of some of my less inspired choices, but there has actually been a lot of action taken.

And what I've learned both from the actions that I've taken this year and from a more informed perspective of where my natural strengths are and how they relate to my inherent value system, is that I need to break things/projects/goals down into smaller chunks.  Turtle steps, I think Martha Beck calls them.

The tiniest action step forward you can take that doesn't create any resistance in your head.  For me, sometimes those action steps are incredibly small.  Teeny tiny.  Microscopic, even.  But they are there, and when they are all put together, they really do add up to something.

So my next steps in 2011 are likely to be small ones.  They may not seem like anything to anyone else who is watching - but I guarantee you - when you string them all together, they are going to make 2011 my most accomplished year yet.

body integration: puppy love

I'm participating in Reverb10 this December.  Won't you join me?

December 12th |  Body Integration

This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Author: Patrick Reynolds)

I wish I were one of those people who is fully connected to their physical selves.  The kind of person who truly gets a "high" when working out.  The kind of person who listens to their body for clues ~ and then actually heeds their body's advice.

I'm not.

And it shows.

It especially shows lately, as I've struggled with the weight gain that has resulted from the deadly combination of menopause and stress-triggered comfort eating.

So I wish I had a story to share of how suddenly the heavens opened up and the angels began to sing one day as I was on a 5-mile run.  I really wish I had that story for you.  But I don't.

Because honestly, that's not me.

I struggle to get to Jazzercise (although I will admit that it is getting easier).  And I loathe running.  The only thing that keeps me going is that I know that my friend Nan will be there, cheering me on.  I look forward to that cheering more than I detest the pain of running.  So I do it.

BUT!

And there is a big but here (not big butt - although that's true, too).  When I do experience that effortlessness...  that seemingly holy connection between all the parts of me: physical, mental and emotional - is when I am out in the forest preserve or the dog park with my dogs.

When I am out with them, time virtually stops.  I am completely tuned into them and their joy.  I gladly trudge through snow covered trails, or battle swarms of mosquitoes, just to see them this happy.

These are the moments that take my breath away.  These are the moments that make time stand still.

This is what gets me outside and gets me moving.  These faces.  This joy.  These are the moments when I feel 100% complete and full.  These amazing dogs of mine are, quite literally, what fill my tank.

11 things to eliminate in 2011

Calligraphy by Jane Farr

I'm participating in Reverb10 in December.  Won't you join me?

December 11th | 11 Things

What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson)

1.   Comparisons.  I am living my one, unique life. Comparing it to anyone else's is a recipe for anguish.

2.   The Old Stories.  I am constantly evolving.  Adding new experiences, people and perspectives to my life.  The old stories, whether told by me or others of influence, often don't serve me any more.  They are like clothes that no longer fit.  It's time to let them go.

3.   Clutter.  I am actually a pretty organized person.  My closets are organized by color and type of clothing.  The "junk" drawer in my kitchen has nice, neat partitions and I can always find stuff in it.  My filing systems are legendary for both their color coding and the beauty of the files themselves (hey, if you have to do a chore you dislike, at least you can make it pretty). I have fabric lined baskets in my linen closet that hold all of the extra soaps and deodorant and toothpaste.  My towels are all neatly folded and stacked in beautifully aligned columns.  My t-shirts and sweaters are neatly folded and stacked in my bedroom dresser drawers.  My books are arranged on my bookshelves by genre, and the food in my kitchen cabinets is arranged similarly.  I haven't gone so far as to alphebetize my spices - but the thought has occurred to me.

But there are two places in my home where clutter is a problem:  my home office, and my studio.  And - oddly enough - these are the two places where I have found myself the most stuck lately.  What do you know about that. 

Here's a blinding statement of the obvious:  the relationship between the amount of clutter I allow into my life, and my ability to function at my peak (whether its creatively or otherwise) are directly connected.  It's time to literally clean up my act.

4.  Toxic relationships.  Whether business or personal, there are relationships in my life that do not support my quest to surround myself with people who bring out the best in me; people who support my strengths and are encouraging when they see weaknesses.  While 2010 has been a year of recognizing these relationships, 2011 will be the year of letting them go.

5.  Unrealistic expectations.  I am finally getting it through this thick skull of mine that I am not Superwoman.  Nor do I want to be.  I may have at one time, but not any more.  So even though I have done Herculean things to accomplish certain projects or produce results that far exceeded anyone else's expectations in the past, that is not going to be my modus operandi in the future.

6.  Weak boundaries.  This is a biggie for me.  It is so important to me to make other people happy that I turn into a giant door mat almost instantly.  2010 has been a year of practicing establishing some stronger boundaries.  2011 will be a year of perfecting that skill.

7.   The weight.  It's something that has plagued me for the past several years, and 2011 will be the year that I say goodbye to the extra pounds...  and to the reasons for their existence in the first place.

8.   Excuses.  Far too many times, the "I don't feel like it" excuse has stopped me in my tracks.  Stopped me from exercising. Stopped me from writing. Stopped me from drawing.  Stopped me from trying something new.  2011 will be the year of eliminating excuses and to "just doing it."  (Thank you, Nike.)

9.   Judgements.  On Friday night I attended Patti Digh's book signing event in Skokie.  It was extraordinary by all accounts... but one of the things that was most impactful for me was when she let each of us choose a special rock from a beautiful little red box (without looking!).  Written on each rock was a message. 

My rock said, "Give Up Judgements."

Busted.

While I'd like to see myself as someone who fully embraces others, in all of their imperfections - I know that I am not always that person. 2011 gives me an opportunity to practice giving up judgements.  One day at a time.

10.  Every little "freebie" that comes my way.  Seriously.  The make up bags. The Clinique lipstick that is NEVER the right shade, yet I always hang on to them.  The email subscriptions, shopping bags, and any various and assundry tchochke-esque items that enters my world is going to meet with a resounding, "No, thank you." in 2011.

11.  Holding back. Every time I hear someone talk about "stepping into their power" I cringe.  I cringe because I generally don't think that's an option for me.  I feel caught in what can best be described as a double-bind situation - on the one hand, I know how strong, smart, creative and capable I am.  On the other, I know how those qualities can scare the living bejezzus out of people.  So for decades I have held the reigns of my potential pretty tightly.  Often accused of being "intimidating," I've come to believe that label, however unfitting I may think it is.

As I've gotten older, though, one of the miracles that's happened is that I've started to be a whole lot less invested in what other people think. I'm much more willing to accept the fact that whatever someone else thinks, is much more about them than it is about me.

That certainly doesn't give me any right to be intentionally mean of belittling or abusive.  But what it does do is free me up to really own all that I am.  It's a big step, taken one small step at a time.  I'm on my way, though.  And 2011 will be the year that holding back becomes a thing of the past.

don't stumble over something behind you

Calligraphy by Jane Farr

I'm participating in Reverb10 this December.  Won't you join me?

December 10th | Wisdom

Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)

There is this thing.

For the sake of this post, it doesn't really matter what the actual thing is. All that's important is that for me, it has been a roadblock to progress.  More than a roadblock (which seems like it would be possible to eventually move or just drive around), this thing has felt more like the The Great Wall of Stuck.

It has loomed huge in my mind for what seems like forever.

It has lived in the background of my every moment.  Insidious. Persistent. Clawing.

Sometimes deafening in its presence, sometimes quietly lurking, it has been ever-present for as long as I can remember.

Until just recently.

Oddly enough, my little epiphany came as I was perusing the internet, looking for a local calligraphy class I might be able to take.  On the Chicago Calligraphy Collective's website I followed several links that eventually brought me to the exquisite work of master calligrapher, Jane Farr. 

The irony of the fact that her blog is named, "A Place to Flourish" was not lost on me.

Flourishing is such a wonderful word, isn't it?  So full and plump and ripe with promise.  It evokes a sense of movement; a proper balance between smooth, effortless action now, and the promise of possibility for the future.

Anyway, I digress...

As I was savoring Jane's blog (I promise you, there is no way to move through this blog quickly - each image is more breathtaking than the next, and deserves its own special reverence), the image at the top of this post nearly jumped off the computer screen.

"Don't stumble over something behind you."

Whoa.

It was like being shot clean between the eyes with a blinding realization: that's EXACTLY what I had been doing.  Stumbling over what was behind me.

Rather than letting this thing go, I was not only stumbling over it, I was letting it define how I saw myself.  It had become my nemesis, but even more importantly, I realized that I was continually feeding it; fondling it; supporting it every time I thought about it. And I thought about it constantly.

It had become the story of who I was.

It had become my excuse for not moving forward.

It had become my reason for holding back; settling; being less than my fullest self.

And right then and there, I decided.  No more.  No more clinging to this thing that was no longer a part of my life.  No more clutching on to all of the negatives that it created in my self-perception.  No more.

Calligraphy by Jane Farr

Instead, I was going to replace that thing; that outdated story of who I am and what's important, with a new, more fitting image. 

That image is one of a preciousness.

It has only been a few months since I made that decision, but I know it is absolutely the right one for me.  The letting go of the old stories has at times been difficult. However, I know I am on the right path, because serendipity keeps stepping in and guiding me to my "right place." 

People I never would have imagined I'd meet and become friends with, I've met and many of those meetings have turned into genuine friendships.   I am being shown the way by such a varied and interesting collection of mentors that somehow just "show up" as if by magic ~ although I know it is much more than magic that is at work.

And I am listening - and trusting - that little voice inside me. 

Moleskine Journal by Jane Farr

It's a voice that I've shusshed for many, many years.  But thing about those little voices, is that they are persistent.  And patient.  Very, very patient.

I realize that it is a process.  There are times when I slip.  But instead of letting those slips completely derail me, I am getting so much better at picking myself up, dusting myself off, and beginning once again.

This notion that we all have just one precious life is profound.  Making the decision to treat yourself and your life as the precious gift that they are is life-changing. 

 

party

Rubber Gloves + Stipper + Steel Wool + Lots of Fun Folks = Makings of a Great Party

December 9th | Party Prompt: Party

What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)

This may seem strange to some, but my favorite party from 2010 was held by my friends, Larry & Marcia Ogden, when Larry needed some help stripping the paint off the body of the airplane he's restoring.

There was not a disco ball or pair of high heels or fancy clothes anywhere to be found.  What there was instead, which was so much more fun from my vantage point:  great people united around a single, meaningful project. 

It may not have been glamorous, but it sure was fun!

see the possibilities

I'm participating in reverb10 this December.  Won't you join me?

December 8th | Beautifully Different

Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

I can see the possibilities.

Whether it's a problem that needs to be solved, or simply the need to be able to look at something from a different perspective, I can see the possibilities - and importantly, the potential - in both people and in situations. 

Most of the time, it's like a slideshow in my head - a constant stream of pictures of ideas.  How about if we looked at it this way?  What if we moved this here?  Have you ever considered...?

It's only been recently - within the past year - that I've come to realize what a unique gift this is.  For me, it just seems natural; ordinary.  I am beginning to realize that seeing the possibilities, coming up with ideas,  brainstorming solutions and visualizing the outcomes isn't natural for everyone.

But it is for me.

And that's been a huge learning this year.  It's helped me to understand some of the unique value that I bring to my work, and to my relationships.  It's helped me to focus on where I spend my time.  It's helped me to identify how I want to use these gifts in the future, and where they can do the most good.

I've realized that my interior design business is the perfect foundation for expressing this gift.  When I walk into a client's home, I'm not thinking about the way things are NOW; I'm thinking about what they want and need, and how many different ways we can create an environment for them that's going to work better functionally and aesthetically.

When I do my consulting work, its easy for me to come up with strategic recommendations, because it's second nature for me to be able to easily connect the dots between the situation that exists now, and what's possible given the market, timing, budgets, etc.

I love knowing that the work that I do in the world lets me use these gifts in such an integrated way.  It's so organic and the flow of ideas feels so great when I don't censor myself and instead just let the ideas come.  Even more than that, I love the deep sense of satisfaction that comes from allowing these gifts to flow in a way that simply feels right, rather than trying to stifle them and conform to someone else's standards.

I think I may have just discovered the real secret to happiness this year.

It's all in the allowing.

 

dog people

I'm participating in Reverb10 this December.  Won't you join me? 

December 7th | Community

Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

It starts with a small request.  "Can you help?  Do you know anyone who might be able to take this little guy for a while?"  And with that small request, the mobilization of a loosely formed but intensely loyal "Dog Community" is launched.

While I think I have always been aware of the existence of this community, 2010 was the year that I stepped out from the sidelines and actually started to participate in it.  It's been one of the most rewarding years ever, because of that one, small decision. 

Get involved.

Make a difference in the life of just one precious animal.

Because I've had 3 dogs for so many years, the idea of fostering has never seemed realistic to me - especially not as those dogs started to advance in age, and their needs became more intense, both physically and emotionally.  But for some reason, 2010 was the year that I decided to ignore what's realistic and instead concentrate on what feels right.

I think the genesis of this change actually took hold in the early Spring of 2009, when I got an urgent email from one of my dearest friends, Karen, who is actively involved in dog rescue.  There, staring up from me from the computer screen, was one of the sweetest little faces I've ever seen.  

"He's 8 months old, and his human dad got arrested in a drug raid, and is going to prison," her email told me.  "He had to surrender the dog to the pound, because there was nobody who could take care of him.  The problem is, they have absolutely no room at the shelter, and he will be put down tomorrow if someone doesn't take him."

I closed the email, thinking I wasn't ready to have three dogs again.  I had just lost Logan, one of my beloved golden retrievers, a few months before to kidney failure.  Truth be told, after the intensity surrounding Logan's last few months here on earth, it was kind of nice having just two dogs in my immediate world.  As I have often said, the only problem with having three dogs is that you only have two hands. 

But I digress...

That day, I kept going back to the email and opening the picture.  Then I'd close it and tell myself that I was being ridiculous.  Then I'd open it again.  I simply could not ignore this little guy...  or the fact that maybe I was supposed to be the one - his one - this time, to extend myself.

I'm sure you can imagine what happened next.

The call was made, and the puppy was being put on a volunteer transport which would take him from Southern Illinois up to Joliet...  where my friend Karen and I would pick him up, and he would be mine.

Scout's arrival in Joliet & the beginning of our life together.

An entire community of transport volunteers came together that day to make sure that Scout made it from the shelter in Southern Illinois, to his new home with me. Literally, 150 miles at a time, volunteers drove from check point to check point, moving the dogs along the specified route - and to places where they would be cared for, either by rescue groups, no-kill shelters, or adopters like me.

  Scout and his sister, Ellie

Today, I can't imagine how empty my life would be without this little border collie/blue heeler bundle of love.  More importantly, though, his arrival heralded the opening of a space in my heart for more connectedness...  and a realization that I could participate in this community of dog people in many ways... not just by adopting.

Several months later, I had the opportunity to foster Lexi, a sweet little lab mix who loved to play with Scout and also loved to just snuggle.  I got to experience the full force of the dog community in action as we went about trying to find Lexi her forever home.  Again, the wheels of the dog community started to turn, and a great dog that would have otherwise been put down, now has a new home and a new life and is loving  every minute of it.

Lexi

Not more than a month or so later, Glinda came into my life.  Found as a stray, with a horrible case of demodectic mange, dog people from all over, from my friend Pam, who found her, to the veterinary staff at Orchard Animal Clinic, to other friends and neighbors, all came together to care for Glinda and find her a forever home.

Glinda

It took months, but by September, the efforts of so many people had paid off handsomly, and Glinda was enjoying her new forever home.

Glinda definitely knew how to make herself comfortable!

Over and over again this year, I've had the chance to see the small miracles that happen when people work together to save the life of just one dog.  That community; that commitment to life, regardless of how abused or neglected it had been previously, has been a major source of inspiration for me this year.

My friend Karen and Phoebe, one of the many dogs she has rescued

As 2011 approaches, I know that this amazing community of dog people is one in which I will be much more actively involved.  Through my work with A Place to Bark, the phenomenal shelter run by my friend, Bernie Berlin in Tennessee, as well as through my own person efforts, whether it's fostering again or working with the transport groups or fundraising...  I know that I will be playing a bigger part in this amazing community of dog people.

home made

I'm participating in Reverb10.  Won't you join me?

December 6th | Make

What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

Bestemor's banana bread.  Oh my - the goodness in that recipe is almost indescribeable! Its hugely rich, sweet aroma filling the house as it bakes; its dense, moist consistency just the perfect filler for breakfast or a mid-morning snack; the memories it evokes equally sweet and comforting.

I remember being a little girl and watching both Bestemor (my maternal grandmother) and my mother make this bread.  They both did it with a deftness and confidence that is only borne of practice...  and now, like them, I've been making it for so long that I no longer need to look at the recipe card (although I do pull it out each time I make the bread - the recipe card now spattered with batter stains and worn at the edges...  it is somehow comforting to have it there, should I suddenly need it). 

What I love most about this recipe - and about making it - is its simplicity.  A few overly ripe bananas, some flour, sugar, eggs...  maybe some walnuts if I've got them...  and voila - it's done.  I love that I can make something delicious from what might otherwise be thrown away...  I love that every time I make it, I am almost instantly transported to a simpler time - a time before cell phones and internet and texting and 24/7 cable news.

It's easy to forget how meditative the process of cooking and baking can be.  I get so caught up in the "necessities" of life that I forget that often what's most important is the simple act of nourishing both my body and my soul.  This past year I had a goal of trying one new recipe a week...  which fell quickly by the wayside, although I am not quite sure why.  2011 might just be the perfect time to recommit to that goal.

a sense of wonder

Multi-media collage by artist Christine Mason Miller

I'm participating in Reverb10 this December.  Won't you join me?

December 4th | Wonder

Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeff Davis)

2010 has been a year largely marked by deep self-reflection and questioning.  Not the kind of self-reflection that's gentle and loving.  Oh no, no, no.  No, this was more like the demolition derby of self-reflection.  The kind where you literally want to tear all the walls of yourself down and start over again.

The kind that requires a dumpster, not a wastebasket.

Much of the year felt heavy; pulled down by the weight of discoveries and realizations that were not always pleasant, and mired in the "yuck of stuck" as I have come to refer to it. 

I do want to make it clear, though, that 2010 wasn't about wallowing so much as it was about finding a way through.  It was that determination for a fresh start; for that freedom - that actually helped me to rediscover and yes, cultivate, a sense of wonder. 

For me, cultivating a sense of wonder has meant looking, seeing, and questioning without judgement.

Being playful.

Curious.

Open.

I turned often to my camera to help me.  Where would I choose to put my focus?  And how did the picture change based on that choice?  (Deep, I know.)

How different did things look when I focused on what was close vs. what was far away? How many times, when I was really, really close to something, did it not even resemble the thing it was? (The perfection of the metaphor here was almost more than I could stand.)

What I loved most about this was the lightness of it.  The idea that there was no right or wrong. Just what was. And for me, that's been perfect.